So Fake

Do you claim to know someone? I mean really know them. Understand them. Recognise distinct and unique features about them. It’s a depressing thought that some people will go through life not knowing anyone in the real sense of the word.

My twin sister and I are very close. I would say that she is the only person I really know. I have close friends but I don’t know them the way I know bec. But I still wonder sometimes if I really know her. I know that, for her, she knows me probably best of all my family and friends, but there are still parts that she doesn’t understand and perhaps never will.

When you first meet someone they are most likely the most distant part of themselves. Another blogger inspired me to write this when she said that she will “never let you closer than you deserve”. Is everyone like this? It seems so. I think people have become too guarded.

Having said that, you can only truly be yourself when you are comfortable. I know for me, there are several settings that I physically cannot be myself no matter how hard I try, simply because I’m uncomfortable.

My parents have been married for 25 years. They know each other. Perhaps my Dad still misses things and sometimes Mum won’t understand my Dad, but generally speaking they know each other. But do all people get to experience this? Western society is so individualistic and it’s sometimes hard to break out of the stereotypes and divisions we are placed in, making it hard to be your true self.

I think to experience such a relationship, especially in today’s context, you really have to go out of your way and sometimes out of your comfort zone. And for what? Just so you can claim that you really knew someone?

Personally I am fascinated by human beings. Not in a scientific way, or a Sociologists way. I’m fascinated by everyone’s uniqueness. When you get to meet new people, it’s unlikely that you will see past the first few layers of who they are. Sure you can ask where they’re from. You can find out their likes and dislikes and other interesting things, but this is just one dimension. Experiencing other people is part of the human experience.

Don’t live a fake life, where your closest relationship is a texting friend, or a penpal. Yes it’s sometimes difficult to say this first hello, and it’s even more difficult to let that person meet the real you, but it’s worth it.


5 responses to “So Fake

  1. You are a great writer. Thank you for sharing your heart & your insights.

    This reminds me of Psalm 139:1-4. ‘Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.’ Our relationship with God is the most real, authentic and deep relationship we can imagine. & He’s made us to be in relationship with others. Heaps special.

  2. I really gave it a hard thought, but you know i know noone who has gone through his/her entire life without knowing anyone in the real sense of the word. Well everyone end up knowing someone, “in the real sense”…

  3. I don’t think you can ever fully know another person down to their moment-to-moment experience because you have your own moment-to-moment experience that never stops. However, I do think you can know someone in the moment, *for* a moment. When someone shares with you something deep, some part of themselves that’s very real, you can know them. And then the moment passes, and you two are separate again.

  4. I really enjoyed this post and agree wholeheartedly that too many of us have become “individualistic”, which is really only a kind way of you to say that we are very self-interested/centered. Sadly, its true, more often than any of us would care to admit (even the best of us) that we are more guarded than strong.

    However, I sometimes wonder what it means to know someone at all. I’ve pondered this very subject before and have come to the conclusion that any intimate (though not necessarily romantic) moment shared is a moment of knowing one another, because none of us are truly our histories any more than we are our aspirations. Even interests and ideals are transient in the event of one’s lifetime. So, how can we base “Knowing” on anyone’s effects?

    Life, in my opinion, is a continuous encounter we merely react to, in search of purpose or a sense of belonging.

    In the purest expression of who we are, I tend to think that we are simply personalities trying to understand or escape our own conditioning; because how many of us can honestly say we truly know ourselves. We would all like to raise our hands as to say “I do”, out of self-preservation. But, if it were actually true… we’d all get along so much easier.

    At least, that’s my two cents.

  5. s–

    For some of us, ‘being known’ leads to ‘being anticipated.’ At first, it feels good to be anticipated by someone we want to have a connection with. It’s flattering. But ‘being anticipated’ can lead to ‘being manipulated’ or ‘being taken advantage of.’ So the process of allowing one’s self to ‘be known’ is taken slowly, and if the feeling is that one is being anticipated or taken advantage of, the process is halted.

    ‘Never let you get closer than you deserve’ is about just such a concern– about being known to the point of manipulation or advantage taking.


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